How to recognize your soulmate.
This one is dedicated to the hopeless romantics out there.
Maybe you thought you found ‘the one’. Discovering your beloved in an utter miracle, traveling through time and space to find your special match, ready for an epic love story to unfold when…BAM. You hit a wall. Tragic circumstances unfold or they’re just not that into you. For whichever reason, the bliss dissolves as the relationship crumbles.
Recently, I wrote about how to find your soul family. There I described how groups of souls may travel together through many lifetimes as they learn spiritual lessons and catalyze growth for each other through their deep connection. This article explores soulmate encounters of the amorous variety.
He takes your hand for the first time, and the memory of his touch transcends time and sends a jolt through every atom of your being. She looks into your eyes, and you see a soul companion across centuries. Everything outside this moment loses its importance…When both recognize each other, no volcano could erupt with more passion. The energy released is tremendous…A sudden feeling of familiarity, of knowing this new person at depths far beyond what the conscious mind could know. At depths usually reserved for the most intimate family members. Or even deeper than that. Intuitively knowing what to say, how they will react. A feeling of safety and a trust far greater than could be earned in only one day or one week or one month.
Just as Brian Weiss described it above, a romantic soul mate or love-mate connection of this flavor provokes an overwhelming intensity of feeling. With the increasing recognition of our mate, comes an utter fascination; as if we are mesmerized by the puzzle pieces this person provides-that fit our subconscious story perfectly. Maybe it starts with the eyes. Or the voice. Maybe it’s chemical and our pheromones are really in charge. Dr. Michael Newton reported in Journey of Souls, that there seems to be a sensory recognition that we carry with us through lifetimes, taking shape as memories, which could explain the compelling feelings of familiarity we immediately experience with a love-mate.
As a culture, we have been inundated with ideas of what it feels like to meet a love-mate. Intense and inexplicable passion, devotion, adoration and sometimes telepathy. We can sense our love-mate’s thoughts and feelings. When we discover a love-mate connection like this, it leaves us marked. It’s as if there’s life before him/her and then, life after.
The movies often show heroic, rebellious acts of love overcoming any obstacles in the way of this rare connection, or death when the lovers can’t bear to be apart, a la Romeo and Juliet. What may be missing from our cultural representation of love-mates lies in the gray area.
Brian Weiss on that:
Soul recognition may be subtle and slow. A dawning of awareness as the veil is gently lifted. Not everyone is ready to see right away. There is a timing at work, and patience may be necessary for the one who sees first.
He may not recognize you, even though you have finally met again, even though you know him. You can feel the bond. You can see the potential, the future. But he does not. His fears, his intellect, his problems keep a veil over his heart’s eyes. He does not let you help him sweep the veil aside. You mourn and grieve, and he moves on. Destiny can be so delicate.
A number of my clients have experienced the heaven vs hell polarity of meeting a soulmate lover. Some say that when we meet a love-mate before achieving a balanced state of self love, we cannot stay with them long because they call our attention to our need to heal. We may experience the ‘Can’t live with em, can’t live without em’ phenomenon as U2’s With or Without You becomes our theme song.
The sacred mirror in which we see all of the love will also call attention to everything we don’t yet love about ourselves. It can be a wild, confusing ride, especially when we consider all the ‘shoulds’ that exist in our collective mental space as a result of age-old archetypal love stories.
Our love-mate meetings are special and rare opportunities. They provide us sacred mirrors and help us identify and heal everything that’s in the way of unconditional love.
If, like most of us, you have some healing to do in the arenas of: Attachment, self-worth or intimacy, encountering a love-mate may provide some healing wake-up calls and confronting reflections.
I know from personal experience that you can’t force letting go. Attempting to battle or deny the connection will just cause you much more pain and confusion. This relationship doesn’t really compare to your previous relationships because of the complementary nature of the connection and the fact that your relationship has a bigger ‘soul goal’. People in your life may not understand what you are going through and just want you to remove yourself from the pain. Another common pitfall is trying too hard to maintain the connection. Denial is a powerful force and can cause us to manipulate ourselves and others. When we justify low-vibe choices to maintain our connection with our mate at all costs-we know we’ve allowed that connection to turn into a form of addiction or codependence. Trying too hard is a clear indication its time to fall back in love with yourself.
Some of the reasons love mates are not together:
- Death. It has been proposed that our soul mates may act as guide on the other side, but that doesn’t make it any easier to lose the physical version of our love-mate.
- Cultural or familial pressures and preconceived ideas of how we believe our life should be unfolding.
- Intimacy issues. Fear of being trapped or fear of abandonment.
- A pre-existing committed partnership. When children are involved it can be even more challenging.
The greatest healing opportunity that a love-mate relationship can culminate is that we can see and heal all that’s in the way of valuing and loving ourselves in balance with the love we have for our mate. These relationships have great potential to help us unlock all of the wounds that we need to heal. Consider it one of the greatest gifts another soul can give you–but it won’t feel like a gift. Oh, the irony 😉
Also, here’s a mix to keep you company on your love-mate healing journey.